Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Little Help In The Bedroom?(NOT the little blue pill!)

Being as motherhood is made possible by sex, I feel healthy sexual relationships relate to "all things mommy". Happy mommy, happy kids, right? (wink)

A sex surrogate. You mean, a person insiminating my wife? No, I mean a person hired to COUNSEL you OR your partner about intimate insecurities, trying new things. And there MAY be sex involved. A sex surrogate works alongside other therapists and refers patients to the surrogate that are willing candidates for sexual surrogacy. Not just anyone can knock on a sex surrogates door and pay for sex.

Linda Poelzl, a sexual surrogate was interviewed by Jessica Pilot and says "People assume sex surrogate therapy is one big sex party. And clients often assume they can get a few sex lessons and then they are fine, but it’s usually more complicated than that.”

Truth is, there are tons of married couples, many I have encountered online and in my personal circle of friends that suffer from feelings of inadequacy, lack of knowledge, or there is something in their past that is holding them back in the bedroom.

Sexual surrogacy is "a dying breed" as Poelzl puts it. Just over 30 years ago, there were 200 nationwide and now there are 50 and the numbers are dwindling. As a society that believes in monogamy and not many consider polyamory, sexual surrogates may seem taboo.

Let's look at the bigger picture here: Say your husband or wife were shamed or pressured in some way that made it very difficult to become aroused or if they became aroused, they felt dirty for it. They then cannot perform and feel even more guilt and shame. Someone, such as Linda, not only has practice in knowing what goes on mentally with these problems, but shows ways that patients can become more comfortable and work through it.

This may be where the sex comes in and even then, the person doesn't "finish". It's used to explore the body language of the client and getting to know them and pointing out where they may be faltering or letting themselves clam up.

Sexual surro's, since they are all-in-all a therapist, do not obligate their patients to disclose that they are being treated to their partners, as there is patient/provider confidentiality. When asked if she would classify her practice as cheating, she replies "I think there are easier ways to do it, like hiring a call girl. That’s a much quicker way to have a good time." Not many would agree, but being as this is extensive sex therapy, and not much sex going on, if you wanna get your rocks off, go put your boots under a hooker's bed.

As someone who believed society, saying that men want sex ALL the time and that it's all they think about, I was in for a surprise when my relationship went from new to normal. "It" would happen every 4-8 weeks. At 18, and believing the media that he should be all over me, I began to believe that there may be something wrong with me.

Help from someone like Linda may have been a good thing. Not having sex with her, but understanding the dynamics of an intimate relationship, instead of expecting things to happen, when they clearly can't be forced. Let me know, readers: what are your thoughts on sex surrogates?

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