Breastfeeding in the Holiday Season: TEN WAYS to Eliminate, Educate & Elude Confrontation

Photo courtesy of www.lactivist.co.uk

The holidays are a wonderful time to get together with family and friends. The warmth and cheer and the good food are enough to fill a person's heart with contentment to advance into the next year in a good way. I, for one love Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. And for those that don't celebrate these holidays, there is Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ashura, among many others. Breastfeeding can be daunting in and of itself. A lot of women don't  have the courage to do it in public, around strangers. Breastfeeding around family members who are unsupportive or unfamiliar with it can be even more daunting. One reason being, that you know them and you have to face them on a regular basis. Or, at least, once a year.

You may be confronted by family members with rude comments or dirty looks and feel the need to leave the room to avoid these confrontations. If you feel most comfortable being in another room, by all means, do what you feel suits you best. But for a lot of breastfeeding mothers, they may not want to leave the room and miss the festivities. Which, in a lot of cases, you may be there longer than one feed for your baby or child and this can cause a lot of missed time with family and friends.

If you feel you may be confronted at these gatherings, there are many ways to go about avoiding them or standing up for yourself and your baby to make your holiday stress free and family friendly. I have asked some mothers to share their experiences, breastfeeding during the holidays. Here are a few:

Jessica writes:
'My youngest son was born in March, so by the time Thanksgiving came around
that year, he had already passed the "recommended" '6 month cut off'. I had never been shy about nursing in public, and
my family knew that well. I would proudly lift my shirt anywhere and
everywhere. Thanksgiving that year, I'm at my aunts house, trying to eat my
food, get my then 3 year old to eat anything I could get him to try, and my
8 month old was hungry.

I put him in the ring sling and situate it so no one could really see anything other than his
head, just out of respect for it not being my home. My uncle got up and left, came back
and grabbed his children. That made other family members take notice and they all got up
and left. Then designated my aunt to come in and tell me how inappropriate
that was to "whip out a tit" at the family table. And how no one felt
comfortable eating in the same room as me, if I could please go eat alone,
in another room. I smiled and said no, and continued eating. After that, I
didn't speak to anyone. I made an extra plate to take home and packed up
and left.

By Christmas I thought it was settled. We arrived at Christmas dinner though, and
the first thing out of their mouths was asking if I brought a bottle so I wouldn't flash people
again.

I wish I could say that my story has a happy ending, but it never happened. I went on
to breastfeed my son fora total of 29 months. My family is still very unsupportive of
 breastfeeding but I don't let it bother me, and I have no plan on adjusting my "behavior" for
their needs, as my job is to fulfill my child's needs.'

Lisa says: '"You're STILL breastfeeding? Isn't he going to become too dependent on you?! (said of my then 1.5 yr old)…"'

Jennifer writes: "My husband’s parents came up for a belated Christmas this past January. At the time, my daughter was 5.5 months old and still exclusively breast fed. I didn’t think anything of nursing her in the living room with my in-laws in the room. Apparently, this made the step dad uncomfortable, but we didn’t know that until a couple days later when my husband's mom called to tell him. They expected me to go into another room to nurse my baby, in my own house. My husband was appropriately outraged, as was I. His mom even went so far as to say, and I quote, “I don’t appreciate her whipping out her breast in front of my husband.” As though I was trying to seduce a man twice my age by feeding my baby. Since then, the relationship has been strained, at best. It’s unfortunate that people are so narrow minded and prudish about the act of breastfeeding, but I refuse to alter the way I feed my children simply for someone else’s comfort, especially within the walls of my own home. I’m still breastfeeding my daughter, now 15 months old, and I don’t plan to stop anytime soon."

There is also attire you can wear, so that if it's not practical or comfortable to cover, you can go uncovered without showing much. When in public, I do not cover because we are not comfortable that way. I wear a tank top under a shirt and pull up the t-shirt and pull down the tank top. Of course, there is nursing attire, but if you're on a tight budget, like me, you work with what you have. There is often little to nothing shown when I use the shirt-tank method and we're both happy that way.


While these situations are often unavoidable, there are ways to diffuse them. Here is a list of 10 things you can do or say, if you are comfortable:

1. Using a cover is always an option, if you and baby are comfortable.
2. You may use this time to educate family members or friends. Just a short blurb about the benefits of exclusively breastfeeding or extended breastfeeding.
3. You may say things like "That sounds like it worked out for your children, but this is what works for our children and we are happy."
4. Get the support of another family member or your spouse beforehand to intervene, so you have an advocate.
5. Laugh and make a joke about how you promise not to wave your nipple like the breastfeeding banner without a child attached.
6. If they mention that there are children in the room & they don't know what to tell them, offer to explain to the children what is happening so the parents don't have to try to answer their questions.
7. When talking about breastfeeding, remember to smile and sound light hearted. Hopefully, putting off the defensive stance your family member or friend may have.
8. If you're asked why you haven't put it in a bottle, explain that you (and these are just examples) a) can't pump b) baby won't take a bottle c) you couldn't pump enough for baby for the holiday gathering d) you forgot your pumped milk
9. If they offer solids, say that you're worried about an allergy or tell them that it is not recommended by AAP or WHO to introduce solids before "X" months or that they can't have (insert name of food) until "X" age.
10. Your baby may have teeth and this also may prompt comments about solids: "Your baby should be eating food since he has teeth." "You're breastfeeding AGAIN? Here, give him this." You could say: "No thank you, we haven't introduced that into his diet yet."

I hope that giving these examples and experiences have helped you go into your holiday season a little less stressed and more confident in your choice to breastfeed your baby. Happy Holidays!

Best For Babes Creates a "911" for Nursing Mothers!

Best For Babes Foundation has created a hotline for women who breastfeed in public, who happen to get harassed in some way by a business owner or manager, or are in some way not protected by law. When you call the hotline, the incident is recorded with detail and dates. This hotline is necessary, because some women just don't have the support to have the big voice to change things that need changed. Another is so there is recorded proof of incidents for businesses that have caused breastfeeding mothers grief and for legislators to change state laws (like in Idaho and Georgia). Let's not forget the working mom, who may need to pump at work! I have heard countless stories of mothers not provided a place to pump because law does not require it. A friend of mine is still in high school and is breastfeeding. She needs to pump during school hours, but is afraid that her need to pump will result in resistence from teachers, as she had trouble even getting her assignments when she was on bed rest during her junior year in high school. Every breastfeeding mother needs to have this number in her phone, so she knows she has support and will be heard. This is a nursing mom's 911!

http://www.bestforbabes.org/announcing-1-855-nip-free-the-best-for-babes-nursing-in-public-harassment-hotline

Above is a link to information on the new hotline. Check it out, pass this along. Too many women stop breastfeeding or won't attempt to, due to harassment and lack of laws protecting their RIGHT to feed their babies the way nature intended. Please get this out there.

UPDATE!
Best For Babes launched their hotline last week. Since the launch, they have received several phone calls, reporting their experiences. This is NOT a made up problem. Women don't go "looking for" negative attention when they feed their babies in public. Women have a voice now, through BfB. There is strength in numbers and we all need to work together to normalize breastfeeding. Here is a link to their progress with the hotline after just one week:
http://www.bestforbabes.org/nip-hotline-news-8-harassment-incidences-in-first-week

Gluten Free, Wallet Friendly Breakfast Ideas!

Alot of people I know are pretty crunchy and are going gluten free or have been for years! This is for people like me, who want to be gluten free, but are finding it expensive or hard to do. Gluten is in tons of things you wouldn't even think about! So I asked a few friends to help me collect some ideas for breakfast since it's the "most important meal of the day." You really want the breakfast of champions, don't you? *wink*

Let's get started:
3/4 cup Oatmeal with 1/2 of a cut up fruit or a handful of berries

Eggs (yum!) Some are not fans of eggs and if you're vegan, of course, this isn't an option. ;)

Sheep herder potatoes (recipe) You can use whatever meat you want(or no meat)

Frittata! Throw last night's leftover veggies into the pan with some eggs and cook to your preference.

Muffins! I like blueberries myself. (recipe)

Everybody loves pancakes and if you don't, you're crazy! (recipe) I love peanut butter on mine. There are always all natural peanut butters out there, if that's what you like. Go to whole foods stores. Good choices :)

Raw milk! Can't go wrong there. I have a few friends that have this as a major staple in their diet. It CAN get a bit on the spendy side. I think $3-4 for half a gallon? But you're getting fuller with it, so it's worth it.

I've heard lots of good things about bean bread! A friend showed me this recipe.

Fruit smoothies! Throw your favorite fruits in with your choice of milk, protein, & blend it up!

Egg muffins (recipe) Easy to make, easy to throw in the freezer for a fast breakfast the next morning!

Midmorning snack! White bean vanilla cake (recipe)



If you have any breakfast ideas you'd like to send in, I will include them in this post with a shoutout to you. :)

Having Dreadlocks is a LIFESTYLE! Here's Mine...

So it's been almost a month since I decided to dread my hair. I used the twist and rip method. Didn't use any products and stopped shampooing my hair (I use the no poo method)

This is 2 hours after I started twisting and ripping. It took a long time, as I had to wait for the kids to either be taking a nap or in bed for the night.

A fan asked me how "one would put dreadlocks in their hair", so I made this tutorial...

                                       

All done! I left out my bangs, so I could do more with my dreads.

One week old dreadlocks! (yes, this is my weirdo smile)

Yay! Two week dreadiversary! It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns in dread-land. The transition from using shampoo to just using baking soda and apple cider vinegar for my hair left it feeling oily and it was hell trying to ignore it. I almost took my dreads out to escape the way my scalp felt.

Yes, that IS an awkward empty spot on the back of my head. The downfall to having done my dreads by myself.

Three weeks into the dread life and going strong! My hair has almost fully transitioned and is starting to lock up. I had bands in the bottoms of them because I was paranoid that they would unravel. I cut up an old t-shirt to sort of wrap my hair to keep it out of my face instead of using a ponytail, which was pulling hairs out of my dreads and would leave them bent from being restrained.

Some advice for those of you who want to dread your hair: There are a few ways to dread your hair.
1) Back comb
2) Neglect
3) Palm roll
4) Twist and rip

I used twist and rip. I almost wish I had done neglect. Although it does take a little longer for them to lock up and gather into dreads, I've encountered many people who have done neglect, where their dreads are smaller, which is what I would have liked for my thinning hair (just had a baby 10 months ago and my hair was falling out like crazy!). Do not use regular shampoos! You need a residue free shampoo or you can us baking soda and ACV. I've also heard some good things about Dr. Bronner's soap. Another thing: Never EVER use wax. I don't care what Knotty Boy tells you, you don't need to buy products to be successful at dreading your hair. Good luck and I hope you enjoyed this post! I look forward to posting updates on my dreads! *thumbs up*

You're A Section, A Number (To Him, That Is)

photo courtesy of www.improvingbirth.org

There is a lot wrong with today's maternal healthcare. Things that should have nothing to do with bringing our babies into this world. Birth rape, abuse, lies, blame, humiliation. Just to name a few. Everyday, birthing women and new mothers are made to feel inferior and minuscule. Too many women go into pregnancy uneducated, naive and scared. They believe doctors are God and what they say goes, wether you like it or not. Against your will and you don't think you should refuse because there is a baby involved in the decision.

Pull the dead baby card and mom will submit to anything you want. Give a woman inaccurate statistics for the benefit of your agenda and you have a willing participant of whatever you want to do to her. Make her feelings invalid, you have a patient that's afraid to protest your orders. Here's a story of a momma that admits she could have avoided c-section, had she been more informed of her rights and about birth.

My first pregnancy I was pretty naive (even with my 2nd), and had no idea what I should ask, and even asked what I should be asking. Most of my appointments I was just checked, got a lot of ultrasounds and pictures, and was told "Ok see you next time!". I had mentioned once that I wanted to see about a water birth, but was told "Only whales birth in the water". When I woke up December 20, 2005 at a little past 5 am, I was so uncomfortable, and couldn't get back to sleep no matter what I tried.

My significant other had work that day, and I told him to go ahead and go, if anything happens I would call him. I went to my Grandmother's house while he was at work, just in case. The entire day I couldn't sit, stand, lay down, nothing! My back hurt and I was exhausted. Finally around 630 pm I called my SO and told him to meet me at the hospital, because things weren't changing. 

When I got to the hospital, I was wheeled into a room, layed down, and immediately hooked up to machines and an IV. There were so many "nurses" and a couple "drs" in the room. They were waiting for the on call dr from my dr's office to get there. I was given something to help "move things along". "Drs" and "nurses" were in and out, and I dont know how many times I was given just "a little bit more" of whatever to "get things moving". My SO got there and as soon as he walked in the door, I said "I think my water just broke". I vaguely remember feeling like a water balloon popped. I don't remember exactly how much time was passing, or how quickly things were going. I just remember not knowing what was going on, I was scared, and I was in pain. 

I was asked if I wanted an epideral, and I remember declining, but the pain wasnt going away and I was so tired, so I caved. I remember having the urge to either push or poop. I think I did both LOL My dr came and he was in and out, he checked me a couple times, but never really stayed in the room longer than to look at the machines, and check to see how I was progressing. Then at around 2 am, December 21st, I was told we had to have an emergency c/s because the baby's heart rate was not good. 

I was wheeled into the surgery room, lifted onto the bed, and I remember hearing my dr INSTRUCT the surgery! "No dont cut like that, cut like this" - Heard that a couple times. "No we have to stitch like this, not like that". I wanted to scream, I wanted to say "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" I couldn't do anything! I could barely do more than look at my SO and cry! 

I remember looking at him and thinking "Please help me!" He just looked at me, caressed my head, and said "It's ok. Everything is ok." I remember feeling every slice, every pull. I felt like my abdomen was on fire! I felt them pull on my baby like she was stuck. Right after everything was done, my doctor just left. 

Over the next few days, the in house pediatrician tried talking to me, nurses tried talking to me, the "LC" tried talking to me. I couldn't comprehend ANYTHING anyone was trying to tell me! The only thing I remember being told in the hospital was that I would never be able to EBF a baby bc I didn't have all my milk ducts. She could "tell" bc the underside of my breasts are/were flat. So I "had" to supplement. Not to mention, my baby was losing weight on just breast milk. I was under the impression she wasnt getting enough, so I let them supplement. 

But even after all of this, I should have just felt happy because I had a healthy 7 lb 13 oz baby girl. It wasn't until after 3 months a friend's mom told me that the hospital I was to use was a "learning" hospital, and most the "nurses" and "Drs" there were students, or brand new looking for a guinea pig. I was also informed that that dr I had on call pushed for c/s. I, also, later found out from a different dr who I went to when I was pg for #2, that he pawned of his deliveries. She stopped working with him bc he always pawned them on her. He didn't like delivering naturally, *he* preferred c/s.

Forcible Retraction on an Intact Male Infant/Child: Don't Let It Happen To Your Son!

my poor sick bug

My youngest child(7 months old), "L" has had a fever the last 3 days. I became very worried when it spiked this morning to 105.5 degrees fahrenheit. After a dose of Tylenol, I took him in to the Emergency Room, like many concerned parents would do. They took his temperature, which had dropped to 103. Still, the previous temperature had us very worried. We waited for them to get everything together to get urine and blood. I was told that using a catheter to catch his urine would be best because "the extra skin cells(his foreskin) would affect the test results and contaminate the culture".

I gave consent, and they go ahead with the procedure. I was horrified as the nurse pulled his skin back to reveal his little "head". She wasn't gentle with inserting the catheter, either. The nurse kept jamming it, trying to get it into his bladder, but the catheter was too big. L started crying even before the catheter because his foreskin started bleeding. And he was screaming bloody murder he was in so much pain. I felt sick to my stomach and started crying. My 5.5 year old son was with me and was alarmed at how much pain his little brother was in. He started crying as well. I then started shaking in anger, because the nurse persisted with her jabbing the catheter with force that shouldn't be used on ANYONE that is having something foreign put into their body and not paying attention to him bleeding.

I fought such an internal battle of telling her to stop, but feared being ridiculed. I finally told her I wanted them to use a bag to catch his urine instead. "Oh no, I'll have someone else try to do it. I just can't get it past his urethra," she said dismissing my comment.

As she left, the attending doctor came back to see my son and her jaw fell open as she surveilled the scene in the room. My puffy, teary eyes, my screaming infant son with a catheter hanging out of him and my older son, crying in a chair off to the side. She removed the catheter and had me put my son to the breast to calm him. The doctor gingerly put a urine bag over his penis and put a diaper on him, apologized and informed me of the blood test results, which showed he was fighting an infection, possibly a urinary tract infection and that he would need antibiotics.

His urine tested positive for infection as well. He received a 24 hour antibiotic shot and we were released with a script for his medicine. I feel horrible for not knowing to advocate my son's needs. I feel guilty for not telling them to not use a catheter on him. I feel like a bad mom for allowing that stupid nurse to forcibly retract his foreskin. I am writing a letter of complaint to the hospital and asking them to educate their staff on how to care for intact boys. Never ever forcibly retract a boy's foreskin. Here are some links I am providing in my letter to the hospital, so more people can be educated and advocate for their children. Information is power, and our voice is important, because our children don't have one yet.

http://www.nocirc.org/publish/pamphlet6.html
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/8/forced-retraction.html
http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/08/assistance-to-families-with-forcibly-retracted-sons.html
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/forced-retraction-what-now.html

If there are more links you would like me to include or write about, please email them to me at allthingsmommy2@yahoo.com or post on my Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/allthingsmommy

Submission in the Household: Domestic Abuse Edition *TRIGGER WARNING!*

Photo courtesy of Samurai Karate Studio. Find them at samuraikaratestudio.blogspot.com

A woman is out on a date with a guy she just met. The date is going well and they hit it off. She can't help but think "Oh, he's so sweet and perfect. I hope he'll see me again." And she does. They make their relationship official and all is well....

Fast forward 12 months. She's just forgotten to put his clothes in the dryer, because she was cooking breakfast. Now he's going to be late for work. "Why can't you do anything right?" he says stepping slowly towards her.

"I...I'm sorry, I just... forgot. I was trying to make you breakfast..." she stammers, cowering.
"Forget it! Now I have to wear wet clothes!"
She bursts into tears and can't stop herself from thinking, "He's right, I can't do anything right."

Later that week, she's bathing her daughter, and couldn't get to the phone in time to answer his call. He comes home that night, in a rage. He accuses her of cheating, since she wouldn't answer his call. "No," she pleaded. "No, I was just giving my daughter...." She doesn't finish her sentence. He hits her across the face. "See what you made me do?" He backs away and goes to take a shower, muttering about how worthless she is. She's so confused. Why did she make him hit her? It was her fault, all her fault.

Photo done by me

He comes to her in bed that night and lifts her chin. She flinches and pulls back. He apologizes and tells her it won't happen again and that he just has anger problems. She shouldn't make him mad like that.... ever again..... But she did. Everything made him mad. He didn't like her talking to friends and her family wanted to see her, but she was too ashamed of her appearance. If she doesn't get out soon, it might be too late.......

Research suggests that 1 in 4 (25%) women has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime. Women make up 85% of domestic violence, while men make up the remaining 15%.

Depending on the type of survey, there is a range between 600,000 and 6 million women who are battered each year. Women between the ages of 20-24 are at greater risk for nonfatal violence from a partner or spouse. Most abuse comes from someone that the woman knows personally. Separate and divorced men and women are also at high risk for nonfatal abuse, says the Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004.

Each day, 4 women die as a result of abuse... Each day, 3 children die as a result of abuse. The FBI estimates that 32% of female homicides are by their partner or spouse.

Not many people understand the impact domestic violence has on battered women. She loves her partner and is attached to the loving part of him or her. They don't like the abuse, but in their mind, their loving gestures make up for it. "It won't happen again." "He says he's going to get help for his anger." Smoke and mirrors. Justification for the spouse's or partner's behavior.

As a woman who was in an abusive relationship, both physical and emotional, I know how persuasive an abuser can be. He persuaded me into thinking I was worthless without him, that I was irrational in all my thinking. He persuaded me into thinking that he wouldn't hurt me anymore, that it should be enough that he provided for me financially. I owed it to him to submit to him.

The day I had enough and left, only further confirmed that I was making the right decision. Saying hateful things is not something a loving person does. Hitting is not something a loving person does. Being manipulative is not something a loving person does. A loving person doesn't make you feel worthless. A loving person encourages you to be independent and achieve your goals, not keep you from them.

Photo courtesy of stopabuse.vt.edu

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call this number for resources 1-800-799-SAFE(7233). Don't second guess yourself in your choice. Don't listen to your abuser, when they try to get you to stay. Do not continue to submit. Fight back by leaving and never looking back. Help stop domestic violence.